The Enslaved Grandmother Syndrome (A XXI Century Pandemic)
The Enslaved Grandmother Syndrome
A XXI Century Pandemic
Social scandal: The unmentionable intimacy.
Antonio Guijarro-Morales, MD.
Cardiologist
University of Granada (Spain)
Faculty of Medicine
DEFINITION
The Enslaved Grandmother Syndrome
is a very frequent, serious and potentially fatal
health and social problem
in adult housewife women,
due to ignored and/or denied imbalance,
when her age-related decreasing
abilities and will power
are not enough to fulfil
the accumulative familial tasks
she is carrying at present.
ORIGIN
The origin of an "enslaved grandmother"
is an adult woman
with direct housewife responsibilities,
voluntarily taken on with pleasure,
who,
due to educational and/or psychological reasons,
has an extraordinary sense of
order, responsibility,
dignity and decency.
With such magnificent virtues,
it is normal that for many years
these women have been extraordinary daughters,
housewives, mothers and wives.
They become grandmothers without realising it,
in the fullness of their life,
when they are strong,
healthy and even beautiful.
With pleasure they take on
the bringing up and care of the grandchildren,
as if they were mothers
the second time round,
but with an even more pleasurable,
gratifying and affectionate character.
THE TIME
The years go by
and nobody realises it.
The load and the family stress multiply:
More sons- and daughters-in-law,
sometimes doubled or even tripled
through divorces,
separations and all kinds of pairing.
The grandchildren grow up,
and so do the needs and responsibilities
of those who look after them
on a daily basis.
The grandchildren and their parents
often bring home friends and family
to enjoy the hospitality
of the enviable grandmother.
In addition,
they may get a brother
who becomes ill
or whose marriage breaks down,
who needs a helping hand.
Sometimes they also get parents
or dear aunts and uncles
who are still alive,
and who,
although the grandchildren took care
of getting them
into an old people's home,
the daughter or niece
(the enslaved grandmother)
still has to visit,
at least from time to time.
The grandmother's physical
and emotional capacity
also start to feel
the passing of the years.
Sometimes an associated illness
decreases her strength even more.
IMBALANCE
There comes a moment
when the abilities and the will power
of the grandmother
are not enough to be able
to fulfil the tasks
she has been carrying out
for years.
But she will not give them up.
An imbalance occurs.
If an opportune remedy
is not provided,
a new enslaved grandmother is created.
One more, amongst thousands.
INEXPRESSIVENESS AND BLINDNESS
Neither the grandmother
nor her children realise,
with sufficient clarity,
what is happening.
They only believe,
or want to believe,
that the slight hypertension
or the trivial diabetes or the anxiety
that the grandmother has
are the reason why,
in recent months,
she has lost her joy for living,
she feels bad
and starts suffering from several symptoms or illness:
pains in her chest, aches,
undefined discomfort, lethargy, dizziness,
arterial hypertension, diabetes,
depression, anxiety,
polymyalgia,etc.
The grandmother repeatedly
goes to the doctor and the emergency services,
telling them about her aches and pains,
but without clearly revealing
the kind of stress to which
she is being subjected.
If she has organic illnesses,
they do not respond correctly
to conventional treatments.
If she does not have organic illnesses,
anxiety pills, vitamins,
psychotherapy, palmistry
and esoteric therapies
not only do not help but,
on the whole,
make things worse.
Admissions in hospital
for several days,
stays in hotels with groups
of old-similar aged people,
or staying as a guest (resting)
at the home of family members
improve her in an extraordinary way.
Her symptoms reappear
when she starts her habitual tasks.
Educational and psychological reasons
prevent her from asking for help
in an expressive enough way.
She is frustrated
because her children are blind
to the situation
and do not understand her,
even when she timidly tries
to tell them about her stress.
She is especially frightened
of the "All-or-Nothing Law":
Her children could react
in an exaggerated way saying:
"Don't worry, mummy,
if you're ill
we won't bring you the grandchildren
so they won't bother you".
The drastic, brutal interruption
of the gratifying contact with her grandchildren,
for this kind of grandmother,
is worse than death.
THE INJUSTICE
She blames herself:
I'm no longer any use
and each day will be worse.
Behind the lack of comprehension
of her nearest and dearest,
of those she loves in an indescribable way,
she starts to discern suspicion, reproaches,
sometimes sarcasm and lack of affection.
Maybe tomorrow they will feel disdain.
At this point, she is assaulted
by a fixed self-destructive thought.
The poor family-love-sick woman
starts to believe that the only way
she will find definitive rest
is by leaving this ungrateful world.
In her imagination,
she is sure that
the family would be happier
if they were rid of the useless charge,
which she believes she has become.
A LIGHT, GOD, A LIGHT!
If only someone in the family unit
realises in time
about the nature of the process
and is able to convince the other members of the family
to fairly redistribute
the grandmother's excessive loads!
Between them all, it is easy
to free the grandmother of the tasks
that give her most stress:
all those that need to be carried out
in a set time
or those
that involve direct responsibilities.
The grandmother should still
be the centre of the family unit,
with maximum contact
with the younger members.
She may be the main source of love
for her grandchildren,
which will allow them to grow up
emotionally healthy.
But the grandmother
must never have to feel responsible
for the safety of her grandchildren.
Preventing and avoiding domestic accidents
must be a task assigned to and taken on
by other younger people.
AND WHAT ABOUT US,
WHAT CAN WE DO IN THIS CONTEXT?
This is an illness very frequent and serious,
that can lead to death,
including suicide.
It has the peculiarity that its complete cure
is usually in the hands of
the patient's nearest and dearest ones.
It is a shame that they are usually
totally blind.
In some unfortunate cases
there is no feasible family possibility
to unburden the grandmother
from her chains,
or if the freedom does occur,
it is without the suitable balance
and sharing out of tasks,
which, sooner or later,
leads to the creation of
a new enslaved grandmother
in the person who inherits
the chains from her predecessor.
To resolve this supposition,
society should be sufficiently aware
and informed about the problem,
so that it is in a condition to generate,
in an opportune way,
social family help
just when the case requires it.
To achieve this objective
of diffusion and creating awareness,
not only in the families involved,
but also into the society in general
and the most active social agents
in particular,
it is vital to have the collaboration
of all of us
and of the mass media.
We should take into account that
if the grandmother and her closest family members
were alerted, aware and willing to act,
the problem would quite surely be resolved.
Unfortunately, we still hear about too many cases
where this does not happen.
In society, harmoniously,
we should help each other
open our eyes,
delicately but without paralysing modesty
and not be surprised that all of us,
every one of us,
human beings,
are inclined to see the problems
from which other people suffer
rather than our own more serious ones.
The most efficient health agent
to end this 21st century plague
could be just you,
a journalist, a social or health worker,
or simply a friend or family member,
usually someone with some distance
from the enslaved,
who knows the problem well
and can judge more objectively
than the members of the family nucleus,
who have been blinded
by the incredible strength of the person
the grandmother was for so many years.
If you know of one or more cases
of enslaved grandmothers
you must obviously
dedicate your professional care to them,
but above this,
for greater global efficiency,
you, as I am doing now,
ought publicly to comment on it,
with specific data,
without identifying the family involved,
through open letters
to directors or editors of newspapers,
radio and TV
as well as participating personally
or collaborating by phone
in debates or chat shows
concerning the matter.
You
may contribute very much so
to the wide knowledge
as appropriate prevention and effective cure
of this Syndrome.
This is a illness not curable by doctors or drugs,
but through citizens,
journalists, sociologists and politicians,
teaching about the problem
to the affected families,
and helping them if necessary.
Yours faithfully,
Antonio Guijarro-Morales, M.D.
Cardiologist
Granada - Spain
BIBLIOGRAPHY.
A. Guijarro Morales. El Síndrome de la Abuela Esclava (Pandemia del Siglo XXI).Investig Clin (Granada) 2001;4(4):407-410.
A. Guijarro Morales. El Síndrome de la Abuela Esclava. Pandemia del Siglo XXI. Grupo Editorial Universitario. Granada, October 2001.
Fine Arts Paintings
by Aguijarro
10 Basic Rules
on
Cardiac Auscultation
El Síndrome de la
ABUELA ESCLAVA
( Pandemia del Siglo XXI )
Escándalo social: La intimidad inconfesable
2ª Edición, corregida y aumentada
The Enslaved Granmother Syndrome
Dr. Antonio Guijarro Morales
Cardiólogo
aguijarro@jet.es
Grupo Editorial Universitario
grupoeditorial@terra.es
Tfno 958.800.580
C. Ronda 202, bajo, 18003
Granada-España.
INDICE
INTRODUCCIÓN
CAPÍTULO I - HISTORIAS REALES
CAPÍTULO II - ESTUDIO DESCRIPTIVO DEL SÍNDROME
CAPÍTULO III - CUESTIONES DE INTERÉS
CAPÍTULO IV - ACCIÓN Y REACCIÓN FRENTE AL SÍNDROME
CAPÍTULO V - TODO UN MUNDO DE EXPERIENCIAS
EPÍLOGO
METODO GRANADA
DE
AUSCULTACION CARDIACA
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